Since you asked...

Dear Miss Gribble,
I quit eating all meat (including fowl and seafood) about 20 years ago. People who become vegetarians do it for various reasons. We are not all animal-rights fanatics or health nuts. I have no problem with other people eating meat. (My husband eats meat.) The thing that annoys me is when people find out I'm a vegetarian, they become defensive and even hostile. My own mother can be that way. If I make a simple comment such as, "That looks like a meat-lover's delight," my mother thinks I am being sarcastic; then she starts defending the "other side." I can't help the way people react, but I am tired of the persecution just because of my dietary choices. What is it with these people?
Granola Girl


Dear Granola Girl,
I don't know that "persecution" is the right word, but I agree that vegetarians are considered a little out of the mainstream by some people ... and many of us omnivores don't know too much about being a vegetarian. A mechanistic tactic, at least with your mother, would be to stop commenting on anything to do with meat. That way she will have no reason to respond with an argument for the "other side." When new people raise the subject with you, don't be defensive, just tell them what you like about eating your way. You seem to have decided you are a victim of vegetarianism, which strikes me as a bit of an overreaction.
Miss Gribble, Nourishingly

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Dear Miss Gribble,
I have been dating the same guy for a little more than a year. I am happy with our relationship except for one thing: He wants to keep us a secret. He thinks my friends and family don't know, when in reality they do. He says he doesn't tell his friends or family, but I don't believe this is entirely true because I have met a few of his relatives, although not as anything more than a friend. He says he is not ready for anything serious, that he's been hurt and doesn't think it necessary for anyone to know about what we have. I just want to be able to be seen with him and not have to always pretend he is just a friend. How can I make him understand this? I have tried telling him, but he is stubborn and I am not very forceful. Am I single or taken?
Miss P. in Chicago


Dear Miss P. in Chicago,
You are ... patient. This has been going on for a year? Is this chap, uh, married? I can't think of another legitimate reason for his not wishing to be seen with you and pretending you are a platonic friend when you are seen together. You might tell him that unless you are sporting an engagement ring no one will make any assumptions other than that you two are on a date. Even guys who have been hurt and are "not ready for anything serious" go out on dates. And I don't think I've ever heard any man say, upon bumping into a friend, "Hello, this is just a friend," or "Hi there. We're romantically involved." Introducing you by name will do just fine. If you're really sick of this routine (and who could blame you?) try this approach: Tell Mr. Nervous that unless he can behave like a grown-up single man, you are going to revert to being just a platonic friend. Get my drift?
Miss Gribble, Deteminedly

***

Since You Asked …. ”A man is willing to make mistakes. He’s willing to be wrong. He’d rather try and fail than do nothing.”

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Since you asked...

Dear Miss Gribble,
Having just returned to Chicago from the West in time for the “Winter Season” I am most eager to discover the proper manners for a “society” dancing event.
Planning on Puttin’ on the Ritz


Dear Planning on Puttin’ on The Ritz, 
Good behavior is good behavior.  I will address a few of the more vital manners.
*Don't dance every dance with the same partner. Since forever, dancing more than two dances with the same partner, especially your spouse, was considered to be highly unsociable.
*At the end of the dance, do not abandon your partner and run off seeking another. Take your partner's arm and walk back to, more or less, the place you started or to some other location the lady requests. Make pleasant conversation en route, and then give a little bow and say "thank you".
*And Gentlemen, wear gloves. They are cheap. It is more sanitary and reduces sweat damage to ladies' gowns.
Miss Gribble

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Dear Miss Gribble,
I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been going out with my boyfriend Melvin for almost five years now... he’s so loving and kind and thoughtful... he always brings me flowers when he comes for a visit.
Nancy in Nantucket


Dear Nancy in Nantucket,
My dear, dear girl, doncha think it’s about time you taught the cheapskate to spell J-E-W-L-E-R-Y?
Miss Gribble

***

Since You Asked …. "Men are like Coffee... The best ones are rich, warm, full-bodied, and can keep you up all night long... Men are also like Mascara... They usually run at the first sign of emotion".

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Since you asked...

Dear Miss Gribble,
My best friend owns a cottage in northern Michigan. Every summer, she invites my family to spend a couple of weeks with them. I always make sure to help with laundry, dishes and food when we visit. I've come to know many of the summer residents and look forward to seeing them.
Months ago, my friend invited me for a week in early August because she wanted my help with some event. Two days before time to arrive at the cottage, I saw my friend at a party, and she said she no longer needed me that week and I'd be up anyway a few weeks later.  I totally understand that it is her cottage and she can invite or uninvite whoever she wants. However, I planned my summer around this week and turned down other opportunities. Her telling me two days before seems so callous that I've decided not to go back again. It's like I've lost my best friend, and my heart is breaking though.
How do I deal with this? Please don't tell me to talk with her. I'm not a good communicator.
Sitting at Home in Michigan


Dear Sitting at Home in Michigan,
You are interpreting this much more harshly than you need to. Your friend probably has no idea that you restructured your summer around her cottage invitation and assumed it was no big deal for you to skip that week. By not returning, you are depriving yourself of a wonderful experience. Either tell her it hurt you that she canceled at the last minute, or let it go and pretend it never happened.
Miss Gribble


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Dear Miss Gribble,
Is it odd to eat with one hand in one's lap? I didn't realize that I did it until my fiancé’s parents mentioned it to me at a dinner. I later realized that every person in my family eats the same way.
My future in-laws say they have never heard of such a thing. My grandmother says it is good table manners, and I have no intention of changing. What do we teach our (future) kids?
Properly Taught


Dear Properly Taught,
Teach them the proper table manners that you were taught. According to Emily Post, by the time a child is 12, he or she should have learned to "sit with good posture and feet firmly on the floor throughout the meal. (And) Keep free hand in lap when not cutting food or passing items."
Miss Gribble


***


Since You Asked …. "Men have singled out women of outstanding merit and put them on a pedestal to avoid recognizing the capabilities of all women." H. Shaarawi

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Since you asked...

Dear Miss Gribble,
There is this guy I am interested in, and I want to kiss him. How do I do it?
Signed,
Question Asker


Dear Question Asker,
A kiss is not just a touch of the lips ~ there must be warmth and tenderness that convey a desire to return for more ~ There is as much difference between kisses as between light and darkness. Some men and women are natural-born kissers; and there are others that could not excel if they should live to be a thousand years old.  Kissing itself is an art, and it takes experience to be a good kisser. Some women just 'peck' in their kissing. Some women draw their lips tightly over the teeth; indicating too much rigidity, particularly in a woman with thin lips. Naturally, full, rounded lips furnish the most alluring, intriguing mouth for a kiss, but, in any event, whether the lips are full or thin, in kissing for the real pleasure of the act, the mouth should be held softly, with lips curled slightly out, with teeth slightly separated. The man should put his lips to those of his partner with a blending, melting softness. Avoid over moist kisses; they are not esthetic. With all this said, simply walk up to the dude, lean in slowly, and kiss him.   Then lean back and just watch him as you wait for his response. Nothing sweeter…
Miss Gribble

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Dear Miss Gribble,
I have been in a great relationship.  The only issue we had between us was my reluctance to vocally tell her I would commit.  I always knew I would be with her, but I could never admit it to her.  Strange, isn't it?
Many times over the last six months she brought up the question of us.  Each time I changed the subject or put down the idea saying I didn't know.  I now know how much that hurt her.  She asked the question again a few weeks ago.  Little did I know it would be for the last time.
As I said, I always wanted to be with her, I just had an few issue but  I am now ready to open myself up and speak my feelings.
I have hinted at my feelings and desire to become more serious.  She has not responded and acts as if I had said nothing.  I am confused.  We were considered the perfect couple by all that knew us. Someone told me if I persist too hard I might push her away.  Every minute that goes by is like a year, it's so hard.  I can't let go.
Reluctant


Dear Reluctant,
There is an observation which doesn't hold true all the time, but is true so often it's scary.  When a relationship like yours goes on and on without engagement or marriage, one of the parties doesn't want to go to the next level. If you truly felt you made a horrible mistake, you would have bought a ring and gone to her on bended knee as soon as you realized it!  And you didn’t so when you peel the onion a little farther, when you look into yourself a little deeper, you will find why you didn't.When a man wants something, he wants something.  He wants to make it his own.  You didn't want to make her your own.  And she knows it.  Give her back her life.  If you really care about her, let her go.
Miss Gribble

***

Since You Asked …. When a woman treats a man like a confidante and girlfriend, it means she is not interested in that man as a man.

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Since you asked...

Dear Miss Gribble,

I have recently moved into a brownstone. It is lovely except for my next door neighbours. They have annoying behaviours such as parking in such a way that puts the rest of us, who walk, at a disadvantage. They drive their motorized bicycles late at night, filling our homes with exhaust and noise when we are attempting to sleep, and they leave on bright lights for nights on end, which lights up my bedroom window and is annoying.

The other neighbours have adjusted to this pair’s limit bending. I seem to be the neighbour most affected by their behaviours. Is there anything I can do? I'm about ready to lose my mind, it just isn’t fair.

Ready to Blow and Go

.

Dear Ready to Blow and Go,

Now you know why the brownstone next to these people was empty. If the police are not able to back you and your neighbours are technically with in the laws of the city,  I don’t think you have much of a leg to stand on.

I would buy a room-blackening shade and attractive drapes for my bedroom to block the light and I would stop expecting these people to behave differently. They are arrogant and self centered and they will not change. So, don’t get yourself wrapped up in waiting for them to change and expecting them to do the right thing. They won’t.

Wait until the property appreciates enough, then sell and move.

Miss Gribble

***

Dear Miss Gribble,

I always give a lot to my relationships, my husband, family members, and friends. I am starting to resent this because I don’t get much back. I hardly ever get what I really want.  What should I do?

Match – Set

.

Dear Match- Set,

Everyone should have boundaries. Relationships are like tennis, you volley, and you get a volley back. Sometimes you volley two or three times, but there should be equal generosity in the returns.

When you lose your boundaries, you get forgotten, put-upon, and used; even well meaning people tend to push the boundaries of others as far as possible. I also think that some people choose to let themselves be mistreated or have their needs ignored.  One should always ask for what one wants. No one reads minds.

There are people and times you won’t get an obvious return, of course: babies, children and teens, the elderly and severely disabled. In these cases, your responsibility towards them is primary and the returns come in different forms.

Miss Gribble

***

Dear Miss Gribble,

How can you tell love is real?

Looking for Love

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Dear Looking for Love,

Love doesn't only dance the night away. Real love commits forever. Real love cleans up Looks for you in a crowd, and doesn’t notice that you're fat and your shoes are old. Real love cries when you're hurt and rejoice with your successes. Real love is a treasure and a gift. Every day all over the world there are millions of people who have the courage to provide real love, no matter how difficult the task. They are the arms of the goodness in this world.

Miss Gribble

*** 

Since You Asked …. If your partner  doesn’t want to be considerate, it doesn’t mean that you have to be less considerate and lower the standards

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Since you asked...

Week of 7/03

Dear Miss Gribble,
I am 18 and proud to be a “flapper” here in Chicago. I recently had sex with a guy where I work, the local speakeasy, and he has not paid attention to me since
Why will he not speak to me, let alone ask me for a date?
Muddled and Be-fuddled in Chicago

Dear Muddled and Be-fuddled in Chicago,
He wanted sex. You gave it to him. He evidently does not want to continue the relationship. He is probably embarrassed.
Being somebody's tissue is not a good foundation to develop a relationship with any depth...like a second date.
Miss Gribble


Dear Miss Gribble,
My best friend’s husband is cheating on her with a neighbor of mine. We live in the brownstones on Fullerton Street. I see him with her often during the weekday. My friend has 3 children with this man and I hesitate to rock the boat. Should I tell my friend? Should I send her an anonymous letter? I would hate to be the one to break my friend’s heart.
Lookin’ Out the Window on Fullerton St

Dear Lookin’ Out the Window on Fullerton St
I think an anonymous letter would be much more painful than having loving friend break the news gently and with concern; besides one should not ever give credence to anonymous sources. It could be the work of spite or malice. Tell her what you think you have seen and let her find the answers in her own way.
Miss Gribble

Since You Asked …. He calls them all Babe ‘cause he forgets their names

Please submit your question for Miss Gribble at this newspaper’s home office.

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